ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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