Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
