Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
