I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
