ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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