we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
