Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
