her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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