I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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