i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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