Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I love having hate sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
