So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
