well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
