There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
