omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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