I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
