I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
