The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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