dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think i have two assholes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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