I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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