it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
