you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
