yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
