six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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