dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
