listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
