I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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