We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
