I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
