I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
