you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
