Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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