wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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