the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
