Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
