Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
