I want to have your abortion
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
