Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
