WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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