i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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