You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i out mim tonsoeep
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