Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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