Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
