She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
