You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
