I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
