2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
