dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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