that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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