Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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