Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
