I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
