Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
