White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no you cant smoke seaweed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
