no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
