Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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