508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
